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So I have advanced degenerative arthritis in my right knee and for some reason tonight it hurts like hell, all I want to do is cry. I went to my medicine cabinet to get some Vicodin for just such an occasion (I've been rationing it since I no longer have health insurance) and low and behold both bottles are empty along with a 3rd bottle of another pain killer. Now I ask you if I invite you into my home, give you food and adult beverages, why do you feel the need to steal my medication. This makes me not want to have any more social events at my house and makes me second guess some of my "Friends".

So I own a Wii along with the Wii fit, and recently purchased a DS with the Weight loss coach 'game' and pedometer. Since I am super over weight and sliding down the hill of unhealthy faster than I would like to admit I've decided to try using these 'games' to my benefit. They are simple games that get you to move and since the only movement I get is from shopping or sex I feel this can only help. So it is my goal to play for 20 minutes a day and see if I can stick to it and where that takes me. I'll report back in a week and let you know how it's going, wish me luck.

Today Jamie and I celebrate 4 amazing years together, and since I can't hike up a mountain top to scream "I LOVE YOU", I will do it via the internet. . .

Jamie I love you with not only all of my heart but with all of me, I love that you love me for who I am and you love me completely & unconditionally. You are never afraid to show your love and you always make me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. I am struck by your beauty everyday and feel blessed to have you in my life. I miss you when you leave for work, like a love sick school girl and that's okay with me. I look forward to continuing this journey with you by my side, because I can't say it loud enough "Jamie I love you!"

Since I didn’t work on the weekends, this is really my first day of life with out a job. After securing a new phone yesterday so I could be connected to the outside world, today is all about the money, filing for unemployment, cashing my final checks and doing our taxes. I woke up at 3:30 this morning day 8 or so of my new found insomnia, rummaged around the house & surfed the internet then decided my house was too cold and climbed back in bed with Jamie. Redesigned the house in my mind and plotted revenge on my old job until Jamie’s alarm when off around 5:30. I got up with her and made her lunch, I surely hope she knows that this will not become a habit.

So my house is beyond a disaster and as much as I am looking forward to cleaning and organizing it, I am equally overwhelmed by it. So I think I will write out my to do list for today instead.

Done 1. File for unemployment
Done 2. Clean off kitchen table
3. Dirty Kitchen table with big piles of tax documentation
4. Do taxes
Done 5. Clean kitchen
Done 6. Gather funds and head to the bank
Done 7. Go grocery shopping, in the middle of the day.
8. Take up Days of our Lives again, I’m sure not much has changed in a decade or two.
9. Program all 100+ contacts in my new phone.
10. Download ring tones.
11. Make more lists, I like lists!
Done 12. Make dinner, cause I am the best stay at home mom with no kids that ever existed.


Well off to work on 2 and 5 since it is still too early to call the employment office and since I worked in Oregon and live in Washington I can’t do it online. I’m sure I will be back to my UJ later, aren’t you all so lucky!

Last week . . . kind of a train wreak. Thursday evening my brother was in a Motorcycle accident, everything is ok now but it was a very emotional experience. Then out of the blue on Friday the company I have worked for the last 8 years decided to eliminate my marketing position without warning and laid me off. More details on this and the unfair world of nepotism to follow later. I am actually glad to be out of there, no more neurotic brides and even more neurotic employers. I can spend some much needed time on my house, finish countless projects and collect unemployment while searching for that Dream Job.

Something with meaning, or at least fun.
Monday-Friday or less
Daytime hours
Health and Dental Insurance
Vacation and Sick days
At least $30,000 a year
Telecommuting or Vancouver would be a big bonus.

I decided to sign up for an intro to painting class with my Mom and Jennifer, in hopes to spark my drive to paint. Last night was the first class and despite the very flighty instructor, and my negative Nelly of a mother (what was I thinking signing up for a class with my mom) it turned out ok. I do lack the soft touch for ink painting, go figure.

When asked a week before your friends wedding if you can make a ring pillow out of some scrap material, what can you say but sure.

I have reached my first goal of 5% body weight loss, but nearly two months in I have fallen back into some bad habits. Socializing and eating right just don't mix for me, haven't been taking the time to to be prepared and the worst is mindless eating. Since I've been working a lot this last couple of weeks I haven't been the best at working out only 2-3 times a week and not for more that 15 min on the treadmill, and water consumption is down as well, somedays none at all. I learned a couple of weeks ago that I have advanced degenerative arthritis in my knees attributed to 300+ weight load I am carrying around, but it still doesn't click to stop putting food in my mouth with out thinking. I honestly have looked deep inside myself to find the underlined root of my self destructive eating and I just can't find it. Well that's it for now I must go get readt to work another bridal show today, I'm so lucky!

Anyone up for Drinks around 6ish Friday with Jamie and I? We hate the Friday commute and are planning on siting it out at Happy Hour, plus it's cheap dinner I don't have to cook.

I know that the scale is not a true measure of ones health, but it is a guiding tool for me. My weight today 318, also I thought it would good to know my body measurements.

Natural Waist -54”

Hips – 61”

Chest -53” (now that sucks my chest is smaller than my waist)

Thigh -32.5” (my thigh could fit into a pair of my dad’s pants)

Calf- 19” (I can’t even fit into wide width boots, even though they are totally passé now)

Upper Arm – 20” (If there was only one thing I could change it would be this I often joke
that these are my 4yh and 5th boobs because

Neck -18” (I haven’t been able to wear a necklace with out an extender in years)

Ring size 9.5 (Jamie bought me a great ring from Tiffany’s that I can no longer wear)

So on the good side or doing better at. . . Water consumption M-F around 80oz a day, eating breakfast at home and bringing my lunch to work. Treadmill (still only 6-10minutes) but everyday M-F.

Not so good . . . Eating when I get home from work, sometimes I feel it is a contest to see if I can empty the pantry into my stomach, I kid you not. Haven’t really started to push the exercise thing, I need to add in some strength training. Weekends I don’t really try to exercise or eat right at all. Snacking at home all the time. No water on the weekends.

Current Goals:
Make it to at least 10 minutes a day on the Treadmill.
Drink water everyday

Saturday was the 3rd installment of Draft and Craft, I loved it! On the Craft side most of us made cards, my sister brought over lots of punches in fun shapes. Kt made coasters with Spanish bingo cards and Kln finished an amazing painting. On the draft side they made an Irish red and an Hefeweizen. All in all we had around 15 people which means the wii got a good workout. Here are some pics from the craft side. Don't forget the next one February 16th starting a 3pm.

Got up at 6:30 am so I could use the treadmill and make breakfast before work.

Fitness . . . 6 minutes into the ifit level 1 beginner program I had a foot cramp and vowed to hunt down perky Ronda the personal trainer and her "beginner" workout and kick her ass. 3.5 mph at a 4% incline within 5 minutes of starting, does not feel very beginner to me. So needless to say Ronda's "let take it up a notch" level 1 workout was short lived, 6 minutes not a stellar start, but still it's a start. I have since learned that I should stretch my feet to avoid further cramping.

Water  . . . what can I say for my weight I should be drinking 160oz a day, which means I am peeing all night, anyway 48oz down 112 to go.

Food . . .

Breakfast . . .The good thing is I have been doing well with breakfast for a while, as long as I am prepared. My perfect keep me going breakfast is as followed: 1 whole egg, 2egg whites, big hand full of spinach, 1 veggie sausage patty and a wedge of laughing cow soft cheese.  I typically  make an omelet  but if I know I have a lot of early morning stuff I will pre-make a fritatta the night before to warm up.

Mid morning snack . . .nuts and dried berries

Lunch . . .Not so healthy leftovers from dinner out last night . . .I'm going for a routine more than any super restrictive meal plan so I don't feel guilty but I know I should do better.

Well thats it for now.

The end of Birthday weekend . . .I had a great weekend even if I spent the first part working the hell that is the bridal show. I had a great dinner out with my lovely wife, then went cosmic bowling with some great friends. Sunday was lunch with my sister and nephew, plus a little retail therapy Birthday style. . .
A new 80GB Zune that will be here this week thanks to my super terrific wife and some left over gift cards.
Also  thanks to N a trip to cost plus so now I can have coffee at home again.(12 cup french press)

Here is me

Happy but not healthy.
My top weight is around 325 recorded for prosperity some time in November. The problem with being in an emotionally healthy and happy relationship for me is I don't care that I'm fat and neither does Jme. For the most part it is just slightly annoying when I want to fit into Donna Reed dresses at the vintage dress shop, I'm fat who cares.

Unfortunately I am not one of those people who are fit and fat, frankly I'm the polar opposite from fit. I have a desk job and sit on my ass all day. I'm very lucky that I have dodged several bullets so far that run in my family and are very common in the unhealthy. However I do have very severe sleep apnea (i don't breath over 30 minutes of every hour I sleep) and in the spirit of going green I decided to take the stair the other day and seriously 2 flights and I almost called 911 for what felt like a heart attack. To make matters worse I been fighting the healing process in PT for 7 months now for my knee and back, it hard to get fit while your hurt but if you don't get fit then you can't heal.

Needless to say I find myself needing to improve my health, so for my Birthday I bought this
.
Yes it is made in the usa, hard to believe isn't it.

I also thought I would use my dusty old live journal to record the struggles and successes of getting fit my way of being accountable, I guess.

Vacation, what can I say. . .  hot sun, warm water (personal soaking pool on the patio), lots of Hotel sex and all the personal time I could ask for. I read 5 books in the Undead and Unwed series, fun, snarky and plain old fluff and then balanced it with Screwed: The undeclared war on the middle class.

 

Which leads my to CHANGE. . .there are a lot of things I would like to change in my life, a few I have already started like not using plastic bags and water bottles, starting back to eating whole foods but the biggest things I want to do is stop my consumerist behavior and get more me time.

 

I’m mad at our country for giving us the shaft with bad economic, NAFTA and the fascist Bush Regime, but I can’t say besides my vote I’ve done anything to affect change. I really see now how the dollar is such an asset when it comes to speaking my mind. If we stop spending our money on items we don’t need and are not fair trade then we start to rescue the fragile economy of this country and affect change in other countries as well.

 

As for time for myself, it has always been a hard thing for me to achieve, I am a social creature and love my friends. I think I have a case of burnout to a degree, wanting more out of life, wanting to affect change but not knowing how to do it. I am planning on taking some time off from at least creating the social activity, I have decided that I am going to forgo the consumerist and social exhaustion that come with a Holiday Party. It was a hard decision to make but one I seriously need to. I am still struggling with the decision to leave pride, it is my baby and I feel I have nursed it back from near death just to leave at the bus stop and see what happens.

 

I do know one thing I have a great personal life with lots of friends and a strong and true love to hold my hand every step of the way I want her too.

http://www.power-up.net/TRAILER_IBTC.mov

One showing only this Saturday 5pm @ Cinema 21.

Are you a size 16-26 looking for great fashion at thrift store prices? If so then we have a sale for you . . . we are selling off over ½ of our extensive wardrobe including shoes and handbags . . . Torrid, Lane Bryant, Saks, Avenue, lots of Doc Martins and much more.

We are taking part in a parking lot sale at York Elementary School at 9301 NE 152nd Ave, Vancouver, WA 98682  9am – 3pm this Saturday May 5th.

Besides a ridicules amount of plus size clothing we also are prepping to move so we have been ‘clean sweeping’ all week.  Chairs, desk, party stuff, sewing table, shelves, videos, books, office supplies, pet supplies, perfume, home décor, games and nick-knacks you can’t live with out! 

I promised if I ever decided to sell off my wardrobe I would let everyone know, well the time has finale come! I hope to see you there, Stef-Anie and Jamie

Frustration! I am overwhelmed and frustrated and I just need to vent. I was hoping to have my house clean before last weekend but that was not in the cards so now after a whirl wind of watching 4 children (4, 8, 11,12) over the weekend my house is now completely out of control. I have so much to do, and no time to do it. With my kitchen looking like a tornado struck it I find myself making poor food choices or skipping eating all together (which as we all know leads to bad snacking habits). My sewing table is covered in paint and rocks (we made pet rocks) so my skirt project for this weekend is on hold. My dinning room table some how with out noticing turned into Jamie’s planting area. I’m not sure which of three monsters but I have a good idea of which one has decided to start peeing in the house, so now I must combat that. The skirt I wore to work today has an odd stain through out it that leads me to believe the cat urinated on it too. (luckily it doesn’t smell it must have been washed) Also my family vacation drama continues with on again off again vacations, I did decide to go to Las Vegas with Jamie and her parents the first week in April and it looks like I may be going to Disneyland after all next week, but the constant yo yo of the situation is so frustrating. And of course with the decision to go on vacation comes the financial frustration of realizing I am poor. I don’t think I can afford to go to Cupcake on Sunday let-alone vacation. Anyway today is just overwhelming and frustrating and I just needed to let it out.

I don’t know why, but it hurts to breath today, every thought hurts, crying is all I can do to ease the pain. I feel like I just don’t fit in anymore, I use to live a full and vibrant life and it just doesn’t feel that way anymore. It seems that my friends are more distant any more, and going out is a chore. I’m not saying I don’t love and cherish my friends but they are all very consumed in their own lives and I’m just having an off day. I don’t own a home, my car is dying and all I have time for in life is to work 2 jobs just to stay afloat. I work more than 50+ hours a week and never get to see Jamie. The few hours I do have to myself are consumed by housework or non-profit work. I guess I could give up the non-profit work that might give me a little time back, but then again it just might crush my spirit all together. I was planning on two trips that I thought would give me a much needed break but both of them seem to be falling apart. My truly sociopath sister MB who cares about no one but herself is fighting tooth and nail to keep me and my other sister MW (who currently has temporary custody of MB’s children) from taking them on Vacation. MB would rather see her children in Foster Care than with family in a safe nurturing environment. So anyway my sister had invited me on two trips one to Disneyland and one to Hawaii at significant discount, but do to the antics of my MethHead sister MB both will probably be canceled. I just want to know when is it my turn, when do I get a break, when do the evil people get what they deserve! Oh did I mention that my mother’s doctor gave her 5 years to live if she doesn’t lose some weight, and I weigh 50lb more than she does. My mother has lived through two heart attacks and the combination of stress (refer back to MethHead sister mixed with Deadbeat bipolar brother, with a dash of cranky old retired husband) and obesity is not a good one.
Anyway that’s my rant.